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Even the remote thought of being “put” into a nursing home sends shivers down the spines of seniors. Elderly parents may have sent clear messages to their children about never wanting to enter a facility. Adult children must deal with guilt if a nursing home becomes a realistic option.
Why do seniors enter nursing homes?
Over time, aging parents may begin to suffer from multiple medical conditions, whether physical, cognitive or a combination of both. The frailty and dysfunction that occur as seniors age impair their abilities to independently perform the activities of daily living.
The progression of Alzheimer’s disease and other types of dementias has a significant impact on aging parents’ abilities to perform daily routines, including bathing, dressing, managing finances and eating. Families also become stressed when the senior experiences issues with incontinence.
Safety is a major issue. Adult children may justifiably feel it is unsafe for an elderly parent to remain at home alone, especially if the individual experiences frequent falls. An aging parent’s strength may start to fail, or musculoskeletal changes can occur, leading to serious fall-related injuries.
Due to these aforementioned health and safety reasons, families may see the need to admit a vulnerable parent into a nursing home. However, the topic is one most people tend to avoid discussing. Being in a nursing home environment, for families and seniors, carries a social stigma.
Why do adult children feel guilty?
Adult children may have promised to never place their aging parents in a nursing home. Despite the family’s best intentions to honor the parents’ wishes, unavoidable life circumstances tend to carry more weight and can lead to a sudden change in plans.
When families are unable to keep their word, pangs of guilt surface. Adult children who send their parents into nursing homes feel they have somehow failed. Remorse and regret may occur in response to all the things that “could have” or “should have” been done better.
Guilt is not an easy emotion to manage. However, for most adult children, feeling guilty in no way means that they are guilty. Families understand that they must do what is in the best interests of everyone involved—even if the decision is not one that is favored.
While guilt is a powerful feeling, adult children are plagued with additional negative emotions when they decide to admit a parent into the last place the senior would like to be. Worry, sadness, anger, frustration, and resentment also accompany the initial feelings of guilt.
How can adult children deal with guilt?
It is normal for guilt to emerge when a family member is faced with a parent who is at the last stages of life. The dying process can trigger powerful emotions. Adult children should try to acknowledge and accept their guilty feelings as a first step to managing the emotion.
Sharing one’s feelings with others or in a journal has a cathartic effect. Adult children might discuss their decision with other relatives, caregivers, or friends. Writing down the thoughts surrounding the feelings of guilt as well as the whirlwind of associated emotions also provides relief.
Adult children might envision their elderly parents sitting across from them, having a discussion about their overwhelming feelings of guilt. The effective part of this technique is imagining the parents’ responses. Most parents would not want their children to feel the painful stings of guilt.
While being kind to aging parents, adult children should remember to show the same consideration to themselves. Self-care is necessary during trying times. Adult children might schedule some personal time in their schedules to nourish themselves, renew their outlook and replenish their energy levels.
Carrying around guilt is a heavy burden to bear. When guilty feelings continue without budging, adult children are advised to seek counseling from a mental health professional. Remember that being consumed with guilt can have negative consequences on an individual’s physical and mental well-being.
As the health of parents gradually declines, adult children should be careful in what they promise. Health and well-being are rarely certain. Even when a nursing home is the best solution, adult children should learn to forgive themselves; for many, forgiveness is the pathway out of guilt.
When an individual is responsible for the well-being of a senior who may be dying, it can quickly spiral into a seemingly superhuman task. Adult children with households of their own to manage will find it nearly impossible to meet the daily needs of an aging parent.
Is home care a better alternative to a nursing home?
Families, however, have a better care option than a nursing home facility: home care. A range of nonmedical care needs are met by a dedicated caregiver from a senior care agency, like Assisting Hands Home Care. The benefit is that the parents may age in the comfort of home.
Progressive conditions can cause a rapid decline in health in the elderly. Assisting Hands Home Care is prepared to meet the increased demands in daily care with our memory care services. Aging in place benefits seniors with dementia, as they remain in a familiar environment.
Home care is the ideal solution for seniors who resist the idea of entering a nursing home. Adult children will also feel more at ease and less guilt (if any) in knowing their aging loved ones are in the capable hands of professional caregivers from Assisting Hands Home Care.
We also provide 24-hour care, overnight home care, post-operative care, hospice care and respite care. When your parents express their desire to avoid nursing home facilities, choose home care from Assisting Hands Home Care. We serve countless satisfied families with aging parents at all levels of functioning.
Seniors living in the surrounding communities of Lombard, Elmhurst, Villa Park and Itasca, Illinois, depend on Assisting Hands Home Care for compassionate senior home care services. An improved quality of life is available when you choose our home care agency for your loved one’s care needs.
Sources: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/understanding-grief/201705/guilt-and-grief-placing-loved-one-in-nursing-facility,
